A lot happened this year. A lot that I would like to forget and a whole lot that I have learnt from. It’s been a quite busy year, college wise. Relationship wise I have been free as a duck. Wait, no, a duck has had a better love life than me I’m sure. Anyways.
There are only 3 days left for this year to end. I don’t have any strong feelings about it at the moment. Don’t know if it will remain the same on 31st.
This year I experienced firsthand what it’s like to be ‘played‘ by someone. And I’m sure we all know that it must be a really horrible feeling even if some of us haven’t experienced it yet. Let me TRY and explain to you how it feels. Its like you wake up in the morning, realize there is no milk for your cereal, then you burn your shirt while ironing it, slip and fall while taking a shower, find that your dog chewed through your shoe, run late for class and then get sent out only to come home in the evening to find that your apartment burnt down. Just yours no one else’s. Now imagine this happening every. single. day.
After a while, you don’t even cry.
Then it just becomes a case of “this shit could only happen to me”.
I get it, handling rejection is tough. No really, it sucks, I know.
But handling rejection when you don’t even know that they’re rejecting you? That is a whole different world of pain.
And it doesn’t help when you realize you set yourself up for this. You knew full well that this could happen. You knew that it does in fact happen. But you never thought it could happen to you. And you know that ‘instinct’ of yours that always rings alarm bells when something bad is about to happen? Yeah well let’s just say my ‘instinct’ was on a fucking vacation somewhere coz I swear to god I got NOTHING when I met this guy. *low frustrated growls* well yeah my friend did warn me, but I just thought, “Hey, he’s just being an ass coz he wanted me for himself”(more on that later)
Now whether that was 100% true or not, I still don’t know. But what I do know is NEVER EVER EVER BE WITH SOMEONE WHO TELLS YOU BAD STUFF HE DID TO OTHER GIRLS. It’s a trick they play into making you think that “hey, if he can trust me and come open about all these things, then that must mean that he really wouldn’t do it to me, right?” FUCKING WRONG.
It took me a lot of time to get over it. I started analyzing why he could have done what he did and I came down to just one thing: I’m fucking easy.
But truth is no I’m not. I’m not fucking easy. I’m not someone you can sweep off her feet and straight into bed. I did this because I was lonely and vulnerable and he took advantage of it. Simple.
Well I don’t hold grudges, I really don’t. But I sure do hope he has the same exact experience that I had.