So why am I doing this?

So I was going for my morning run today and started thinking…why am I doing this? I mean I’m not obese or anything, and not like I want to wait until I am. But I was just thinking- I started putting on weight sometime after puberty and ever since then though I have been uncomfortable and sometimes extremely unhappy about the way I look, I’ve only on some rare occasions taken measures to change that. And would it be weird if I told you that the only times I ever really wanted to change the way my body looked was when I was in a relationship? See people would think that you want to look hot when you’re single so you can get a boyfriend. But my story’s a little different. I usually don’t care about how I look while I’m single and then once I get a boyfriend, I start working out. For me love isn’t enough. On some occasions I want him to lust me.  So in my 19 years, I have only 6 times taken measures to better my physique. The first time was when I was 14 yrs old and my sister wanted company for aerobics class; gave up after 3 weeks coz I had no energy to cope with school, aerobics and 5 hr long tuition class. The 2nd time was when I was 16 and my mum thought I could use some power yoga along with my aunt; gave up after a month coz my mum had some issue with the trainer. The 3rd time was when I was 17, had just got into a relationship and wanted to motivate my fat boyfriend by looking healthier; gave up after 2 months coz he wasn’t really getting affected and I was losing so much weight people thought I was sick. The 4th time was when I had just got into university and was bored out of my mind so joined the gym coz my roommate thought it would be fun; gave up after a month coz I moved out and away from the place. And now when I’m 19 and have a boyfriend who is a footballer and want to match up to at least half his fit body.

Don’t get it wrong. I’m not doing it because I feel pressurized or anything. I just feel I have so much more potential. I could be so much happier if I was just a little thinner. No matter how many times you deny it or say it’s wrong, the models in print and on the internet are always going to make you feel bad about yourself unless you are actually the same size. And though not always healthy, it’s a form of motivation. So I finally listed down my reasons for wanting to lose weight:

  1. I want to fit into that damned dress that doesn’t come in any size except small and medium.
  2. I want my mum to stop saying “you’re so pretty. If only you were a little thinner”
  3. I want my boyfriend’s friends to stop thinking of him as a chubby chaser.
  4. I want to be able to look my doctor in the eye and say “HA! You think my PCOD is going to make me fat? Hell I am not putting up with it”
  5. Last but not the least I never again want to hear someone say “you’re fluffy. I know fluffy is the new fat, but hey you’re not really fat”

additions to routine

 

 

 

6.2.13

inch tapes are more sympathizing

inch tapes are more sympathizing

Never weigh yourself while you’re on a weight loss program. It only makes you want to hit the scale with an axe.

When on a diet and exercise routine to lose weight, make sure you measure yourself with an inch tape rather than step on the scale ever so often.

Well so I have been brisk walking for 1hr 30 minutes every day. I think I’ll start with some exercises as well for my abs and arms, coz I want to work on those two specific areas.

So right now, its 4:45am and I have to step out at 5:30

So here is the plan.

Go for a walk from 5:30 to 7:00 am

Come back and do some relaxing stretches

Do crunches. 2 sets of 10 each.

Then do weights using a 2 kg equivalent – 2 sets of 15 for each arm

That should be enough. Also working on a new diet plan.

I’ll proceed on a day to day basis and keep it really simple and hassle free.

So today is going to be oatmeal and one egg white + 1 cup black coffee w/o sugar for breakfast

A spinach and corn sandwich for lunch with one glass of lemon iced tea w/o sugar

A vegetables + black gram salad in the evening.

Pea soup + toast + mashed potatoes for dinner.

The key to a successful weight loss diet is in eating sufficient portions of healthy food. I’m not the person who calculates every single calorie, but I keep things as fat-free and healthy as possible, without starving my body of nutrition.

 

 

 

do we have a problem here?

So I and him had a huge fight last night that ended in me crying and pleading for him to stop, him accusing me of things i hadn’t thought of and my sister snatching my phone away and switching it off saying “he has issues, you need to stay away from him”.

So let me tell you exactly how it went down. I had gone out to see a friend who was passing through town and while I was out with him, I kept my phone away because I wasn’t really texting anybody or expecting any calls or texts. And that’s when he messaged saying he was pissed coz apparently I was too busy for him and was ignoring him just coz I was out with a friend!! I got upset at that and constantly messaged back saying I wasn’t ignoring him or anything, just that I was out, he was out and I didn’t really have anything to say so wasn’t texting!! Gosh! I have never known any male friend or acquaintance of mine who loves to be texting 24/7!! And then later on he said everything was okay and then went for practice and called me up at night after practice was done and then started the same topic again and said I was ignoring him, making excuses and lying and not valuing him enough. And then one of my other friends happened to call, and he could hear the call waiting tone so he asked me to answer it. I said it wasn’t important, coz It really wasn’t and then he started with another shit like “you answered so-and-so’s call and put me on hold, why don’t you answer all your other friends too!?” And that really pissed me off, coz I have never before put his call on hold and answered anyone except my parents!! And I was so hurt and he was accusing me of all these things like a crazed man!! And then my sister came into my room and in a loud voice enough for him to hear asked me to hang up. I just sat there crying and looking at her, so she took the phone away from my hand, switched it off and said this – “you need to stop talking to him. He is crazy and has issues, definitely. I know you don’t want to tell me what’s going on, and I’m not going to ask coz you probably will say it is none of my business. But if he is making you cry, then you gotta get away from him”. So after that we just watched some shows and then I went to bed. I turned my phone back on, but by the time he called again, I was fast asleep and so tired that I didn’t hear it. Woke up in the morning and checked all his messages, realized he was feeling sorry and then texted him . he called up, we spoke for 3 hours and sorted things out. He said he realized he had acted like a complete psycho and that he didn’t know what had brought it on, but he regretted it and that he had never wanted to make me cry and had failed. I forgave him obviously, what else would I do? He loves me I know that. And I love him. Issues like these are not issues at all. These are just feelings misdirected.

i now understand why some people are afraid of dogs…

2nd February 08:20 am (at the time of writing)

so well i started going for walks early morning yesterday. and well today i encountered something weird. so i have always been an animal lover, especially dogs. I’ve never been scared of them. except on two occasions (1 when i by mistake went too close to a bitch and her pups and 2 when the hot brother of one of my friends chased me around the building with some one’s dog). so anyways, like i was saying, never really been scared of them. but today when i went out at 5:30 am , these two dogs refused to let me enter the street!! now mind you, these weren’t house pets..they are strays who hang around this guy who has a store…i know coz i have seen them and him on several occasions. so as i entered the street, they came running at me barking. so i stopped-and they stopped. i took one step

not so loving now are they!?

not so loving now are they!?

forward , and then those low growls…so i took one more step, so the cockier one of the two took one step towards me. so then i decided to test it. i took another step forward, more low growls. so then i decided it wasn’t worth the risk of being bit, so i turned around and started to walk away..and then the tinier of the two(also the one more crazy)started following me..now i got pissed. i don’t usually shoo dogs way, but he was pissing me off, so i bent down and pretended to pick up a stone..he freaked out, ran away and hid under a car and kept watching me from there..and then i actually said “ha-ha who’z being a scaredy cat now?” actually gave me some kind of satisfaction 😡

so well then went walking on a longer route…came back home at 7. felt good. but now my legs hurt like shit..that’s okay though..another day or two and I’l get used to it. I’m going to make this a habit, 5;30 to 7 routine, so when i go back to college, it wont be an issue. now sitting on my bed, writing this and talking to my boyfriend on chat.