15.08.2012

Another day at home. I went to bed at 7 in the morning and now its 3pm. My best friend is again caught up in something; she has to take her grand mum to the doctor. Which means I’ll probably not see her today either. Damn it I just want to go back to college, at least then il have something to do!!!!!!! I hate being here, in the same city as her and still being at home all day alone!!

Fuck this shit. And of all days, today I’m short on cash 😡 I could have gone and bought some books or something. Shit man I want to cry, and that’s pissing me off cause lately that’s all I want to do. Fuck. Not enough fucks in the world. She wants me to come over by 5. Yeah? What about my safety? If her father can be concerned about her safety then wouldn’t my parents be worried about mine? How am I supposed to come home at 8 or 9 in the night all alone? Fuck I hate this. That’s it. Next year onwards I’m not ruining my vacations like this. I’m not coming over travelling 12 hours on a bus, alone just to face this. No. next year on I take a trip to the mountains or something. Or I just stay home. At least it’ll be my house.

That’s it. 3 more days and I’m outta here. I’ll just have to hold on for 3 more days. I’m trying so hard not to give in and cut myself. I don’t know why but I want to cut myself and feel it but I know that if I do then I’ll have to explain to my parents why I did it and they won’t understand and they’ll misunderstand it as some cheap act and then I’ll just be more frustrated than ever.